We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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