Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
