sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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