And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
