He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
