I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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