I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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