"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
