I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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