my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
