I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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