So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
