Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Did I show you my penis last night?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I want her autograph on my taint
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
