i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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