I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
