Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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