we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Let's get the cat blown out
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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