If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
