my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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