Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
