I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
