I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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