And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
