you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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