If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
