I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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