It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
