We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
