why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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