he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize