I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
