i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
