I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
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First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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