oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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