did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
