I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
