At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i think i just lost a toe
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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