The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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