I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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