woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
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A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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