I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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