I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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