If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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