you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
