loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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