you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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