he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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