i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
