my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
vagina is talking i cant
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
