It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize