so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
