i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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