a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
