Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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