My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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