i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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