we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
