3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
