I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
