Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
