I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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