I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
