I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
