then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
