Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
home. puking in laundry basket.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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