I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.