I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
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If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.