you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.