He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'