So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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