I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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