You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
